I guess I lied to you when I told you I like baseball
It's not so much the game I like, it's the hats

Ed, Do you see this black band 'round my neck? (oohh yeah)
It's not just fashion (oh really?)
Hartz made it to protect me from ticks, fleas, and gnats
I couldn't care less, what's in a chocolate mousse?
I couldn't care less, what are the five fruits in Five-Alive juice?
I couldn't care less, how old are Ernie and Bert?
I couldn't care less, where does Barney Rubble work?

Well Shaggy said to Velma, "Hey now, Velma, how ya doin'?"
And Velma said, "Geesh, Shag, I'm just fine."

And Daphne said to Fred, "Hey let's get drunk down in the forest."
And all night Fred was yackin' up red wine

I couldn't care less, why was Fonzie cool?
I couldn't care less, are the sweat hogs still in school?
I couldn't care less, how do they fill the caramel bar?
I couldn't care less, if my car says the door is ajar?
Well I wish I had a nickname like Crusher, Snake, or Kenneth
'Cause guys with nicknames always get the gals
When I grow up I'll name my children Alice, Albert, and Alfred (really cool names)
I'll call them for supper like this: "Dinner's ready, Als!"

I couldn't care less, what Morton Downey says?
I couldn't care less, what's on the head of my Pez?
I couldn't care less, do zoodles need a trained zookeeper?
I couldn't care less, why's the Super Big Gulp cheaper?

I couldn't care less, what's in a chocolate mousse? (ground-up antlers)
I couldn't care less, what are the five fruits in Five-Alive juice?
(apples, cheese, broccoli...)
I couldn't care less, how old are Ernie and Bert? (they're like four or something..)
I couldn't care less, where does Barney Rubble work? (nobody knows!)

I couldn't care less, why was Fonzie cool?
I couldn't care less, are the sweat hogs still in school